Ever So Clear - Bushwick Bill

See, most of my life I never had shit

I felt like an outcast, treated like a misfit

Damn near didn’t make it on my day of birth

Thinking, «Was I really supposed to be on this planet earth?»

I take a deep breath and then another follows

'Cause hard shit is kinda hard to swallow

See, it’s rough being a loner

Not knowing any given day and time I could wind up a goner

See, people got it bad from jump-street

And being short is just another strike against me

I used to get funny looks 'cause I was small

And trying to make it was like running through a brick wall

Given the odds I was up against, bro

The average nigga would’ve quit a long time ago

But now I’ve got a record out

I’m doing shows, people paying to see me turn it out

Now, I’m the spice around town

It’s funny how an album can change a nigga’s life around

I got friends and bitches on my dick

But when they look at Richard all they see is Bushwick

Sometimes I don’t know a friend from a foe

And every different day it’s a different fuckin' ho

And now that my pockets are getting bigger

I’m meeting hoes who only wanna juice a nigga

They tell me that they love me and all that

But really they just wait for me to fall flat

So they can get me for my income

Take me for all I got, and then some

Like Trina, you dig?

I fucked up and got too attached to the bitch’s kid

Knowing that she used the baby to use me

Took him out my life, mentally abusing me

But as the time went by, I got another slimmy

And she was just like the first one screaming, «Gimme»

But not in the exact same way

She had a different type of game she liked to play

Her name was Crystal, she played the quiet type

And for a little while, shit seemed alright

But just like the first ho, homie

When shit got hectic, the bitch broke out on me

And it’s getting out of hand, G

'Cause nobody seems to understand me

Reminiscing got me feeling kinda low

I broke out the Everclear and then I drunk some mo'

Until it was all gone

Now I’m looking for somebody to take my pain out on

But not just anybody, G

I’ma take that on Tamica, 'cause she’s the closest to me

Full of that Everclear and high on that buddah

Get to the house, all I’m thinking 'bout is shooting her

'Cause shooting her would be sweet

But you know what’d be sweeter? If I make her shoot me

Call me crazy, but that’s what I’m thinking

I’m tripping, from all that smoking weed and drinking

But I knew she wouldn’t do it on her own, so I provoked her

Punched her, kicked her, and chocked her

She still wouldn’t grab the gun

And at that time, I wasn’t thinking about no one

Damn near crazy, I went and grabbed the baby

(Bill! Gimme the baby! Gimme the baby!)

Held him by the door and said I’ma throw his ass out, ho

She went to crying, «Somebody stop him»

I said, «You better grab the motherfuckin' gun or I’mma drop him»

She snatched the baby out of my hands

We started fighting, punching, scratching, and biting

When we fell on the bed, check this shit

All kinds of crazy shit was going through my head

So I ran and got the gun and came back to her

Loaded it up and handed the gat to her

I grabbed her hand and placed the gun to my eye muscle

She screamed, «Stop,» and then we broke into another tussle

Yo, during the fight the gun went off quick

Damn—Ah shit, I’m hit

(Oh, Lord! Oh, Bill!)

Ahh… my eye, I can’t see

(Oh, I’m so sorry!)

Why you shot me in the eye?

(Oh my God, somebody help me!)

I would’ve shot you in the body

(Oh, I’m sorry!)

Why you shot me in the eye?

Riding in the ambulance, everything is hectic

I can’t get a grip, I just can’t check this

Everybody’s crying, could it be I’m dying?

Bullet in my head, in the bed I was lying

Where’s 'Mica? I wanna tell her I love her

With an IV in my arm, I took a picture for an album cover

Goddamn, this shit’s a trip, G

Five different doctors with needles tryna stick me

I hear my family hollering, «He needs us!»

During the confusion, man, I seen Jesus

My mom’s on the phone, long-distance, from New York

Here comes the doctors again, trying to rip me apart

I got a monkey on my back, I can’t shake this

I’m having suicidal thoughts, hoping that I don’t make it

But I’ma make it, 'cause something’s steady urging me

Five hours passed, I made it through surgery

And the doctor said I wouldn’t make it through the night

But God told me, «Everything is gonna be alright»

And I’m glad that I’m here, G

But it’s fucked up I had to lose an eye to see shit clearly