Roadkill Christmas - Jeff Dunham

Got my dog and 6-pack inside my truck

My wife rides in the back because she won’t shut up

There’s a deer in the headlights and though it might be a sin

I gunned the motor and run over him

It’s a Roadkill Christmas

Venison pretenderized

It’s a Roadkill Christmas

'Cause they freeze when the lights hit their eyes

She loaded him into the back of the truck

I was driving us home, that’s when he done woke up

I couldn’t believe what I saw in my rear-view mirror

My wife was a-wrestlin' with a mad deer

It’s a Roadkill Christmas

She had fifty pounds over him

It’s a Roadkill Christmas

It was no time 'til she had him pinned

By the time we got home, he was her pet

That night, he slept on my side of the bed

I had to spend the night out in my truck

But I had some beer, so I didn’t give a… darn

A couple days later, I made him a deal

If he worked for me, then he would not be my next meal

I covered his antlers with foil and then

I plugged the T.V. cable into his rear end

It’s a Roadkill Christmas

Every Sunday, he’s up on my roof

It’s a Roadkill Christmas

I get NASCAR and the NFL, too

It’s a Roadkill Christmas

That dumb deer changed my life

It’s a Roadkill Christmas

Next time, I’ll run over my wife!